Court bloopers

Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
By death
And by whose death was it terminates?
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What is your name?
Ernestine McDowell
And what is your marital status?
Fair.
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Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, inmost cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?
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Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
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The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
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Do you recognize that picture?
That’s me.
Were you present when that picture was taken?
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So you were gone until you returned?
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She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there girls?
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You didn’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
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You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?
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Were you alone or by yourself?
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Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?
No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
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How long have you been a French Canadian?
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Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
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And who is this person you are speaking of?
My ex-widow said it.
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Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
I used to be.
How many times have you committed suicide?
Four times.
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Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
Because he was argumentary and he couldn’t pronunciate his words.
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Did he kill you?
NO.
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Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present informtion and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
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Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
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What was he doing with the dog’s ears?
Picking them up in the air.
Where was the dog at this time?
Attached to the ears.
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When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
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And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral ok?
What school do you go to?
Oral.
How old are you?
Oral
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What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
She is my daughter.
Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
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Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?
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...and what did he do then?
He came home, and next morning he was dead.
So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.
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What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she’d kill him – and she did!
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...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
The victim lived.
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And was that the same nose you broke as a child?
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Ms, were you cited in the accident?
Yes Sir, I was so ‘cited I peed all over myself!!
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What is your brother-in-law’s name?
Borofkin
What’s his first name?
I can’t remember
He’s been your brother-in-law for years, and you can’t remember his first name?
No. I tell you I’m too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for gosh sake, tell them your first name!
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Could you see him from where you were standing?
I could see his head.
And where was his head?
Just above his shoulders.