Military
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction. –Gen. Douglas MacArthur
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. –Napoleon Bonaparte
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. –Groucho Marx
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
Alcohol
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
Family
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap....He was in the electric chair.
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom.
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother's age.
Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth child-with-bloody-nose was told to go to the yard immediately and stop bleeding on the carpet.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction. –Gen. Douglas MacArthur
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. –Napoleon Bonaparte
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. –Groucho Marx
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
Alcohol
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
Family
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap....He was in the electric chair.
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom.
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother's age.
Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth child-with-bloody-nose was told to go to the yard immediately and stop bleeding on the carpet.
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