Murphy's Law of the Open Road:
When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.
Murphy's Military Laws:
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Murphy's Technology Laws:
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Famous, Funny Quotes
Steven Wright
I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane.
Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
----------------------------------------------
When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say, 'It's in the script.' If he says, 'But what's my motivation?, ' I say, 'Your salary.' -Alfred Hitchcock
--------------------------------------------
Roseanna Barr
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, "Sorry, we're open."
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people...that's why I don't like any of them.
I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane.
Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
----------------------------------------------
When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say, 'It's in the script.' If he says, 'But what's my motivation?, ' I say, 'Your salary.' -Alfred Hitchcock
--------------------------------------------
Roseanna Barr
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, "Sorry, we're open."
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people...that's why I don't like any of them.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Murphy's Law
Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks .
Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think
Murphy's Third Law: In any field of endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility that several things can go wrong, then the one that will cause the greatest damage will be the one to go wrong.
Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything absolutely can NOT go wrong, it will anyway.
Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Murphy's Ninth Law: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think
Murphy's Third Law: In any field of endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility that several things can go wrong, then the one that will cause the greatest damage will be the one to go wrong.
Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything absolutely can NOT go wrong, it will anyway.
Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Murphy's Ninth Law: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Funny
-Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
-The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
-Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.
-Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
-I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.-- Fred Allen
-If you can't convince them, confuse them.-- Harry S. Truman
-My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.-- Buddy Hackett
-Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.-- Jerry Seinfeld
-I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.-- Ronald Reagan
-The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
-Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.
-Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
-I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.-- Fred Allen
-If you can't convince them, confuse them.-- Harry S. Truman
-My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.-- Buddy Hackett
-Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.-- Jerry Seinfeld
-I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.-- Ronald Reagan
Weird
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised
its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
