“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” –Al Gore, former vice president
“Half this game is ninety per cent mental.” –Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Philly’s Manager
“That scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.” –A congressional candidate in Texas
“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” –Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.” – Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C.
“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.” – Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” –Brooke Shields
“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” – Mariah Carey
“I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.” –Dan Quayle
“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” –Britney Spears
“They’re wonderful. Which one’s your mom?” –Robin Williams after a celebrity showed him a picture of his parents
“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.” –Greg Norman
“I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.” – Shaquille O’Neal
“Sorry, I don’t know much about you. I don’t follow tennis.” – Christina Aguilera to Tiger Woods, after he told her he loved her music.
Showing posts with label Famous People. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Famous People. Show all posts
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Jerry Seinfeld and Others
Now I realize how ugly I am. (after laser eye surgery) – Adam Sandler
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
-Steve Martin
I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't. –Steve Martin
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? -Abraham Lincoln
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
-Abraham Lincoln
God heals and the doctor takes the fee. –Benjamin Franklin
He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. –Benjamin Franklin
----------------------------------------
Jerry Seinfeld
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day just exactly fits in the newspaper.
I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
Introducing 'Lite' - The new way to spell 'Light', but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
I think that people who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
-Steve Martin
I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't. –Steve Martin
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? -Abraham Lincoln
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
-Abraham Lincoln
God heals and the doctor takes the fee. –Benjamin Franklin
He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. –Benjamin Franklin
----------------------------------------
Jerry Seinfeld
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day just exactly fits in the newspaper.
I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
Introducing 'Lite' - The new way to spell 'Light', but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
I think that people who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
Bush's Mistakes
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”
“It’s in our country’s interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm’s way.”
“But Iraq has-have got people there that are willing to kill, and they’re hard-nosed killers. And we will work with the Iraqis to secure their future.”
“Those who enter the country illegally violate the law.”
““...it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship.”
“I aim to be a competitive nation.”
“People don’t need to worry about security. This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America.”
“You took an oath to defend our flag and our freedom, and you kept that oath underseas and under fire.”
“I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan.”
“There’s no doubt in my mind that we should allow the world’s worst leaders to hold America hostage, to threaten our peace, to threaten our friends and allies with the world’s worst weapons.”
“...the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice.”
“For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three nonfatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.”
“It’s in our country’s interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm’s way.”
“But Iraq has-have got people there that are willing to kill, and they’re hard-nosed killers. And we will work with the Iraqis to secure their future.”
“Those who enter the country illegally violate the law.”
““...it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship.”
“I aim to be a competitive nation.”
“People don’t need to worry about security. This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America.”
“You took an oath to defend our flag and our freedom, and you kept that oath underseas and under fire.”
“I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan.”
“There’s no doubt in my mind that we should allow the world’s worst leaders to hold America hostage, to threaten our peace, to threaten our friends and allies with the world’s worst weapons.”
“...the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice.”
“For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three nonfatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.”
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Famous, Funny Quotes
Steven Wright
I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane.
Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
----------------------------------------------
When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say, 'It's in the script.' If he says, 'But what's my motivation?, ' I say, 'Your salary.' -Alfred Hitchcock
--------------------------------------------
Roseanna Barr
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, "Sorry, we're open."
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people...that's why I don't like any of them.
I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane.
Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
----------------------------------------------
When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say, 'It's in the script.' If he says, 'But what's my motivation?, ' I say, 'Your salary.' -Alfred Hitchcock
--------------------------------------------
Roseanna Barr
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, "Sorry, we're open."
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people...that's why I don't like any of them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
